As parents, our roles are many and our job is endless. We strive to give our children the tools they need to make good decisions from the time they are old enough to walk. How do we enable our children to make good decisions about religion? (Even if they grow up and become Christians).
Give them information!
Give them information!
A woman (Melissa) in an Atheist Group that I moderate posted about her child telling her she doesn’t believe in God. Melissa talked about learning in an atheist panel to not indoctrinate children into atheism. She said, “Give them truth and let them decide for themselves. The choice will be easy.”
As an atheist parent she’s very proud that her child has decided, based on information, that God isn’t real.
As an atheist parent she’s very proud that her child has decided, based on information, that God isn’t real.
For the most part, I agree about giving kids the truth and allowing them to make up their minds. But it should ALWAYS be age appropriate. Here’s my experience with it:
When my oldest (B) was little, she went to church with my Grandparents fairly often. She enjoyed the activities and liked playing with the kids and I thought it was harmless. She got to go play and I got a break from parenthood for a few hours every Sunday. Then she came home one day in tears. (You saw that coming didn’t you?) She was mortified that when she died she was going to go to heaven and I wouldn’t be there. It took hours to calm her down and a few days to get her past the idea that Mommy was going to burn in hell forever while she was with the angels with Grandma. She was four when this happened.
Needless to say that was the last time I allowed her to go to church. As she got older, she started asking questions about religion and God. I am a very vocal atheist and part of her interest was based on that. Why does Mom think God is not real? Before I became (self actualized?) an atheist I read tons of religious literature. I was brought up a Nazarene and when I left the church I check out Pentecostals, Baptists… then Satanism… then Buddhism, Taoism, Wicca. Pretty much anything I could read about, I did. I was trying to find something that fit. I realized after quite a bit of study that most of it is the same. (Buddhists get a pass from me and Taoism is a philosophy not a religion). The point: I kept all of those books and as B grew and was able to understand more, I gave her books to read and answered her questions as best I could.
At 16, B is a self-confirmed atheist. As a parent, I am so proud. Not because she believes or thinks like I do but because I taught her to question everything, even me. She came to this conclusion on her own.
My youngest, C, is almost 2. Because it was such a heart wrenching experience with B, C is not going to be allowed to go to church at all, not till she's older. I will do the rest the same- when she starts asking (and she will; we live in a small, very conservative town (55,000) and most of the friends she’ll make at school will belong to one of the 64 churches in our town) I’ll direct her to age appropriate books and do my best to answer her questions or direct her to someone who can.
My gut instinct with C is to not only not allow her to go to church but to put down those who do. As a parent, I feel an overwhelming urge to protect her from what will hurt her and keep her safe from the judgments. But I know the best way to parent is to arm her with knowledge and information and allow her to make up her own mind. I won’t lie- I will be heartbroken if C grows up to be a Christian. But if she makes an informed decision, I will love her and be proud, regardless of her decision.
When my oldest (B) was little, she went to church with my Grandparents fairly often. She enjoyed the activities and liked playing with the kids and I thought it was harmless. She got to go play and I got a break from parenthood for a few hours every Sunday. Then she came home one day in tears. (You saw that coming didn’t you?) She was mortified that when she died she was going to go to heaven and I wouldn’t be there. It took hours to calm her down and a few days to get her past the idea that Mommy was going to burn in hell forever while she was with the angels with Grandma. She was four when this happened.
Needless to say that was the last time I allowed her to go to church. As she got older, she started asking questions about religion and God. I am a very vocal atheist and part of her interest was based on that. Why does Mom think God is not real? Before I became (self actualized?) an atheist I read tons of religious literature. I was brought up a Nazarene and when I left the church I check out Pentecostals, Baptists… then Satanism… then Buddhism, Taoism, Wicca. Pretty much anything I could read about, I did. I was trying to find something that fit. I realized after quite a bit of study that most of it is the same. (Buddhists get a pass from me and Taoism is a philosophy not a religion). The point: I kept all of those books and as B grew and was able to understand more, I gave her books to read and answered her questions as best I could.
At 16, B is a self-confirmed atheist. As a parent, I am so proud. Not because she believes or thinks like I do but because I taught her to question everything, even me. She came to this conclusion on her own.
My youngest, C, is almost 2. Because it was such a heart wrenching experience with B, C is not going to be allowed to go to church at all, not till she's older. I will do the rest the same- when she starts asking (and she will; we live in a small, very conservative town (55,000) and most of the friends she’ll make at school will belong to one of the 64 churches in our town) I’ll direct her to age appropriate books and do my best to answer her questions or direct her to someone who can.
My gut instinct with C is to not only not allow her to go to church but to put down those who do. As a parent, I feel an overwhelming urge to protect her from what will hurt her and keep her safe from the judgments. But I know the best way to parent is to arm her with knowledge and information and allow her to make up her own mind. I won’t lie- I will be heartbroken if C grows up to be a Christian. But if she makes an informed decision, I will love her and be proud, regardless of her decision.
